March 13, 2012
   My blog yesterday was sharing some of the reasons I stayed in an abusive relationship. I'm sure if you've been there you can relate and probably have reasons of your own for staying. There are not many women who can say that they didn't go back at least once while being involved with someone like that. While I was writing last night I was chatting with one of those reasons that I stayed; my other son that was 5 weeks old at the time of Allen's death. He was taken from me the day after Allen's death and placed in foster care with the promise that I could get him back as soon as they knew I had nothing to do with Allen's death. Well even though the judge ordered that my son be placed with family, home studies were done with family members who were highly approved to take care of him, it still didn't happen. The foster parents were allowed to keep him until my rights as a mother were terminated and they were free to adopt him. Having my rights terminated to the only child I had left was very hard for me, and termination meant that I could no longer send him cards, letters, gifts or have any contact with him at all. I had no say in his life and would not be allowed to contact him anymore until he turned 18. When I began writing my book, Jeremy was around 16 years old. During the editing process of my book I began to look for him. Facebook was something I had never been involved in and really didn't have the desire to get into but was told that it would be a good way to advertise my book. I did free people searches almost every day looking for him and found so many guys who had the same name but were not his age. One day I was praying about what I needed to do to find him. The Lord then laid upon my heart to look on facebook for the adopted mom. I knew that was the Lord because I would have never thought about looking for her on there. Well I did and there she was, his name was listed on there as being her child. They had changed it from what I had named him but I knew it was him. I was so excited that I forgot to even look to see if I could see any pictures of what he looked like. The next day I sent her a message telling her that I was Jeremy's biological mom and wanted to start a relationship with him if he desired to do so. She asked him about it and he told me to contact him on face-book and we would see where it went from there. I did and one week later we met in person. We've been talking ever since. As I said earlier, I was chatting with Jeremy last night while I was writing about the reason's I stayed with his dad although he was very abusive. Jeremy and I have been chatting for about 2 years now, and its been awesome. I can't tell you the joy I feel just being able to  talk to him everyday, and even more so the fact that he didn't turn me away, he opened his heart and got to know me as a person. One of my greatest desires was to find him and to hear him say I love you. When I sent him his last text last night, I told him I was going to bed and the last thing I always say is I love you. This morning I got up and was reading my bible and heard my phone letting me know I had a text. I went to look and he had texted me back last night with Love you. He's done that almost everyday now for a while, but for me its like I'm hearing it for the first time, every time I hear it. Its always special. Oh this may not seem like anything big to any of you, but to me its a miracle from God. God is in the restoration business, and he cares about each one of us and our wants as well as our needs. He said in Psalms 37:4 If I delight myself in him he would give me the desires of my heart. If you read my book or even looked on the back cover, my hearts desire was to find my son and have a relationship with him. What a joy to have that happen during the editing process of my book. Although he still calls someone else mom, by birth he is mine and I'm just happy to be a part of his life.