Yvonne Jones, A Time To Heal: The Struggles of a Battered Woman on: I'm being watched

    
     Have you ever been in a room and just sensed that someone was looking at you from a distance? You might not be able to see them, but you just somehow know that they are there. This is another sign of a person who is potentially abusive. I guess you could also title this "Being Possessive." If your partner cannot seem to be away from you at all for any length of time, becomes angry if they can't reach you by phone, accuses you of cheating on them if you are a few minutes late, monitors your phone calls, and I could go on and on; This is not love, this is someone who is controlling, possessive and most likely will be physically abusive. 
     One of the first things someone who is abusive does, is try to get you away from your family. Your family will be the first ones to notice if there is something different,  not quite right with you, or If you start to act strange etc. They become jealous and demand all of your time, pretending that they just love you and want to be near you; yet not wanting to let you out of their sight.
      I couldn't go to the grocery store alone, without having him accuse  me of fooling around with one of the male cashiers and I was 9 months pregnant. If I was a little late coming home then I was cheating or trying to leave  He would listen in on my phone calls and I would get beatings afterwards because of something I may or may not have said to the person on the other end.
      Let me warn you, if you are dating, or in a relationship and you are being watched or monitored continuously then this is abuse. If someone truly loves you, they will trust you, no matter where you go or what you do, with or without them. Next: "Its not my fault."

Yvonne Jones, A Time to Heal: The Struggles of A Battered Woman on: Saying yes whether you mean it or not

    Have you ever been around somebody who well just about everything they say or do you disagree with? You really wanted to tell them that you didn't agree, but doing so would bring about an argument, or even worse. This is one of the biggest forms of abuse that is so damaging. Sometimes you have to learn to agree to disagree, that's true and sometimes in order to keep peace, its better to just let them believe you agree whether you do or not. However in a relationship that's abusive this is very dangerous. If you start out in the beginning having to agree with someone just to keep from getting hit etc., then you need to get out as soon as possible.
      My ex-husband told me many times that I was stupid, fat, ugly, and that nobody but he would ever love me. He would often say "you are stupid aren't you?" Then tell me I'd better say yes or he would kill me etc. I found myself many times agreeing with whatever he said just hoping that it would calm him down, and even then sometimes it didn't matter. If I agreed he'd hit me, if I didn't agree he'd hit me, and it got to the point that it didn't matter whether I spoke or didn't say anything at all, he would still hit me.
      If you have to keep peace by agreeing to something that you disagree with, then this is abuse. God created each one of us with different personalities. You may not always agree with me and I may not always agree with you, but that doesn't give us the right to hurt someone because of it. The longer you stay in this kind of an abusive relationship, the harder it is mentally to get out. Next: "I'm being watched."

Yvonne Jones, A Time To Heal: The Struggles of a Battered Woman on: Sexual Abuse

  So what is sexual abuse and how can there be sexual abuse in marriage? After all God ordained sex in marriage and 1 Corinthians 7:4 says "The wife hath not power over her own body but the husband and likewise the husband also hath not power of his own body but the wife. Now what does this mean? Well I believe that in marriage, God intends for sex to be beautiful and for husbands and wives to enjoy their sexual relationship. Also that husbands and wives alike should not deny each other this intimacy for long periods of time. However, when one partner is demanding the other partner to do things that they are not comfortable with, becoming violent during sexual relations, or making you be the soul initiator as my ex-husband did. Then this becomes abuse. 

      If I didn't initiate sexual relations with him every day, he would become angry and accuse me of not loving him or wanting him, afterwards becoming violent and hitting me. This doesn't apply to marriage only, kids are learning about sex a lot earlier now than they used to and are being taught that its ok as long as you protect yourself. The sad part is they are taking it out of the parents hands and allowing the schools to issue birth control without the parents permission. . I say this if you have a job, are paying your own bills and can take responsibility for your actions and the consequences thereof, then and only then should you be given the option of birth control.

      You don't have to be an adult to be sexually abused, children are being solicited on the internet every day, kidnapped and used for human trafficking. Whether you are a child, teenager or a consenting adult, anything forced upon you against your own will is abuse.  Next, "Saying yes whether you mean it or not."

Yvonne Jones, A Time To Heal; The Struggles of a Battered Woman on: Signs of an Abuser

Hi friends, October is Domestic violence awareness month. Now there's nothing wrong with having a month set aside to make people aware of something, but just  like Cancer, other diseases, child abuse etc. it doesn't just happen during these months, it happens every minute of every day.

      Abuse whether its spousal abuse or child abuse is something people don't like to discuss but if you have kids, are dating, single and looking, etc. you need to know that every man or woman you meet are not always the perfect individuals they claim to be. One of the first signs of a potential abuser is what the bible calls a froward mouth and a flattering tongue. Proverbs 26:28. How does the saying go? Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear.  Lets face it most people are going to put their best foot forward, and show only their best qualities when you first meet them.

     So just remember, if it sounds too good to be true then its probably a lie. Listen to what he or she says, it won't take long to see if they really telling the truth or just shooting you a line. Tune in next time for "Short Fuses."

Update

Hello all, just wanted to say I'm so sorry to anyone who may be following me on my blog for not posting any more than I have. I'm quite busy these days and its just been real hard to get to. I'm going to do better I promise because there are alot of hurting people out there and so many who are being abused that may not have anybody to turn to. So please pray for me that God will help me redeem my time and do what I feel he has called me to do. God bless.

Yvonne Jones A Time To Heal on: What is Domestic Violence

The United States Department of Justice defines domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. 
     Hi, my name is Yvonne Jones Author of A Time To Heal; The Struggles Of A Battered Woman. One of the most difficult lessons I had to learn in life is, we live our lives by the choices we make, and all it takes is one bad choice to ruin the rest of your life. Domestic violence is a worldwide problem that is highly misunderstood, taken for granted, and overlooked by many, including law enforcement. Don't get me wrong, there is a lot more education today about domestic violence, more help resources, more battered women's shelters, and more people who are sharing their stories in order to help someone else. There is an old saying that goes like this, "you never know how you will act or respond in a certain situation until you have gone through that situation yourself." In other words you can sit there and say, "well I would have done this, or I would have done that, there's no way I would have let that happen." The truth is none of us know how we will react to any situation until we are going through it ourselves. 
     Many years ago, when I was just a teenager I remember watching a show on TV where this man was beating his wife. I sat there and said, "man I would never let a man hit on me like that." I meant every word I said, but little did I know that one day years later I would be faced with that same situation, and guess what? I did just the opposite of what I said. Did I go into that relationship knowing that he was an abuser? NO! We don't purposely scope somebody out who we know is going to beat us or even possibly kill us. Men who abuse women do not show that side of themselves until they have started dating that person and gained her trust. Or do they? There are signs that you can look for in a person who is a potential abuser, but you won't know what those signs are unless you are looking for them and not allowing yourself to be taken in by their charm. 
     You may not have ever been abused, or know of anyone else who has but if you have children then one day you will have grandchildren, all of  us have brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, friends etc. that we love and would not want to be abused. Whether you think you need to know about domestic violence and the many areas it covers or not, one day you will run into someone who does. You never know if that someone just might be related to you. 
     How do we help people who are going through addictions to alcohol, drugs, etc. Well its a little hard to tell someone how to get off drugs if you've never had a drug problem, etc, etc. but most of us know of someone who has been delivered from those addictions and we can help others by sharing our stories, and encouraging them to share theirs. What do people at alcoholics anonymous meetings do, they share their stories. 
     I will be starting a series of blogs that teaches you what to look for in a potential abuser, the steps to take in helping someone who is being abused, healing after abuse, and my own personal story of abuse that took the life of my 6 year old son. I hope you will follow me on this journey and I hope to be able to hear your stories as well. Until next time, may God bless and I look forward to having you help me put a stop to domestic violence.

DON'T WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW

                                                  DON’T WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW
 

I feel an urgency in my spirit

 the time is drawing near;

 that Eastern sky will soon split wide open,

 Gabriel’s, trumpet will sound loud and clear.

What will he find us doing,

 what state will we be in;

 will we be praying  and anxiously waiting,

 or still living a life filled with sin.

We live each day like we have many tomorrows,

 saying we’ll wait until time is right.

 I dread to think about the pain and sorrow we’d feel,

 should he decide to come tonight.
What a horrible reality to have to face,

 when you thought you had plenty of time

 but you look around and your loved ones are gone,

 and you have been left behind.

My friends don’t put off until tomorrow, 

what you have a chance to do today;

 Eternity is forever, this old world will soon pass away.

 This old world offers many pleasures,

 but none of them can compare,

 to the glory we’ll have over yonder,

 when we reach that city so fair.

I have loved ones who have gone before me,

 I can wait to put my arms around,

 but most of all I want to see Jesus,

 and at his feet I’ll humbly bow down.
I want to praise him and give him glory,

 and thank him for all he’s done.

 For me he paid the ultimate price,

 he gave his only son.
If you’ve never given your heart to Jesus,

 why not do it today,

 don’t wait until tomorrow,

 tomorrow just may be too late. 

Written by Yvonne Jones 3/17/2003